All My Exes Are Cunts
As most of the people who will read this are aware, I had a finger injury recently. The other day I went to urgent care to get my stitches removed. The nurse who worked on me told me my finger was gonna end up hurting more than it has been, and asked me if I had a boyfriend to drive me home. I don’t know why boyfriend was the first recommendation, I think I’m pretty clearly queer, but I drove myself home.
Earlier that day I was at the gym, and two of my male friends there were talking with me, and I was bitching about not having a partner through all of this bullshit. Cute guy said they gotta find me a gym bro, and I responded with a “Nah I’m the gym bro.”
The day before that I got asked on a coffee date and I pulled up and texted, waited about 20 minutes, and then realized I was getting stood up and left to go work legs. I was particularly happy with the turn out because it helped me develop the rule that I get to go to the gym at MY time and nothing gets curved for that. I didn’t really give a fuck that I got stood up because it was a fucking hilarious story to tell to my fitness buddies who think I’m the hottest little thing in the world and would jump if I gave them a chance. Also, it’s not the first time it has happened to me. Abs and a fat ass by the way, it all means nothing.
But, with all of this awesome shit, I’ve been reflecting on my past relationships recently. And honestly, I fucking hate all of you.
The Lineup
Lol.
1 - My first kiss
2 - You’re a sexually manipulating piece of shit and if you place yourself in the same room as me I am beating you to a pulp
3 - The highschool boyfriend
4 - How To Get Over Them
5 - The college boyfriend
6 - The COVID-19 boyfriend
(7) - #4
(8) - #1
(9) - #4
(10) - #1
Any takers for lucky number 7? Obviously I need to be watched with four and one. They’re my favorites.
Shallow For A Second
I blew all of you out of the water. I mean just on looks, Jesus fucking Christ. It’s absolutely insane that not one of you didn’t get roasted after I sent your picture to the groupchat. I’m a handsome motherfucker and I do tend to make men look better when I’m next to them, but I have never been in a relationship with someone who is anywhere near my level.
Cool wise too. I’m pretty confident I outcooled all of my boyfriends. I’m not the only one who said this shit either, my parents were really big on this. I mean yeah I’m their daughter, but they’ve always told me how it is with no sugarcoating. They were always disappointed with my boyfriends. I really like some of my exes, and I really think some of them are interesting and funny, but I was always more interesting and way more funny. All my exes are pretty smart. Big sexy brains. Some more than others.
So physically out of their league. I don’t think it’s sad and I’m not embarrassed. I’m not a dick. But I do think it’s funny as fuck. I’m a bit of a dick.
An actual sad part is I think they saw it before I did. Saw me prettier and cooler, which for the mature should be no big deal, and for the advanced should be a huge W, but I haven’t met anyone like that. It was more like, a starting vessel to project all their beautiful insecurities onto our relationship. Classic.
You Can’t Do That
This, that, and the other. I’ve seriously heard it all. You can’t go to that party, you can’t wear that, you can’t talk to them, you can’t smoke weed. Let’s keep it going. Some of the cuties would play coy and make it into some guilt trip bullshit. “I really wish you wouldn’t post that.” “You shouldn’t go to the gym, you should stay and hang out with me!” “What does this Tweet mean?” “I know you’ve shown me no signs of unfaithfulness but I feel like if you met so and so celebrity you would fuck them.” Lollllllll. Holy fuck talk about getting too comfortable with me. Carry an ounce of fucking shame maybe? You don’t have to act like a little puppy that just ends up reminding me you’re a bitch.
Eh, but for real. Tip for my people: watch your back with this. If you’ve never experienced it fully you’ll see it disguised as someone who just deeply cares for you. That’s not what it is. It’s insecurity in themself and they’re putting it on top of you. It’s sick. I can proudly say I’ve never been this person. Let your partner be their own without swallowing them whole, why the fuck would you date them otherwise?
You Didn’t Like Me
I wasn’t ever completely liked in any relationship. I can’t think of one partner who let me be me. And that’s fucking sad. It was always something. Usually my bipolar illness or the music I listened to or my sometimes high sex drive or my sometimes low sex drive or the way I approached problems. That hurt and it still hurts. How could you shit on my thought process just because it’s not identical to yours? I never did that to you.
As far as my bipolar disorder goes, you didn’t have to be in love with it because I love it enough for the both of us. But it’s me. Completely. So if you think you like me, you have to like my bipolar illness. It’s one thing.
I don’t know what was up with the music taste issue because I listen to everything. I just always found it unsettling and weird that I would receive comments and eye rolls from the jazzheads because of how much rap I listen to. You realize the genres directly connect to each other right? And I’m into jazz music anyways so shut the fuck up.
I’m an openly sexual person. This makes ‘em uncomfortable! It’s a shame really, sex is a lot better when we can talk about it, and a kinky bitch by your side is a fun one to have. I understand not being into a partner who is a social media show off, but then why would you EVER date me? Ha.
I don’t get it. I don’t know why I wasn’t completely liked because I’ve definitely completely liked a couple of partners. Shit sucks. I got my character shut down so much, back to back, it took me a long time to figure it out after the fact.
What’s The Point of This Shit?
I’ll tell you. It’s not to trash talk every single partner I’ve had. They suck, and fuck them, but something else matters.
I think men at a natural state do not give a fuck about something that does not directly affect them. Without adjusting, men lack empathy.
My gym is extremely male-dominated. The day of the news of the overturning of Roe v. Wade, not one of them talked to me about it. We talk politics all the time. Recently, after the Uvalde school shooting, we were working out and talking about it the next day. So how come there’s a disconnect when it comes to women’s rights? You don’t have kids but you are still rightfully upset that children are getting killed at school. There’s sympathy and morality there. You don’t have a uterus, you consider yourself pro-choice, but yet you are quiet when women no longer have control of their own bodies. Why is it just another normal day for you? Where is any sort of compassion? Why don’t you realize that while this may not directly affect you, it affects and hurts all of the women around you?
———
I am attracted to men. As partners, as friends, and as members of my family. Although I identify as non-binary I still have a female anatomy and I have to deal with women’s issues, so there is a part of me that will always identify with being a woman.
I have wished that I was born a male for as long as I can remember. Before I understood I was non-binary, when I was in middle school and a bit of high school I spent a lot of time thinking I was transsexual. I know now that I am not transsexual or transgender, but I still question why I was not born male. A lot of it feels natural for me.
Because I am attracted to men, I’ve taken the time to adjust my thought process to try to understand how they feel.
With the structure our society has built, the ideal female physique is fit and skinny. Because of my body type, it’s very hard for me to lose weight. I have a low metabolism and I can gain very easily. I have male friends who have high metabolisms and are naturally extremely slim, and struggle with gaining weight.
A close male friend I had at my last job expressed this to me. I really took the time to see it from his side, and how this could make a man feel. No one of any gender wants to feel like they aren’t enough physically. Even though I struggle with an opposite problem, I adjusted my process to be able to connect with the men around me. This is fine and this is valid, but the issue is they will not do it for us.
I’ve never had a man ask me how something they will not be able to feel, feels for me. I’ve asked men what it feels like to get hit in the balls, what it feels like to get a boner, or what it feels like for them to cum and have sex. I’ve never had a man ask me what it feels like for me to have period cramps, to get horny, or what it feels like when I cum. They don’t even give too much of a fuck if I cum at all.
It’s ludicrous. It’s fucking ridiculous. Without adjustment they don’t give a fuck. They are naturally selfish. They enjoy the dominance. They are passive about things that don’t directly affect them just because they can be.
What Do We Do?
Lean the fuck back. Don’t do for men what they wouldn’t do for you. If you have a man in your life who takes the time to try to understand what it feels like being a woman, and directly asks you questions and empathizes with you, hold onto him. Enlighten and educate him, and ask him to express it to other men. I have a close man near me who is like this and I absolutely adore him. He’s spent a huge majority of his life advocating for and defending women and it shows. I feel it in his approach with me, and the way he refers to me when talking to other men. You will be able to tell.
But ultimately, talk to other women. We need each other. The state of our country is sad and scary and disgusting.
Do not go out on the Fourth of July. There is nothing to celebrate. Do not purchase anything on the Fourth of July. Do not contribute your money that you earned to our capitalist country that does not give you bodily autonomy, on this holiday. Shop small. Do not support companies that donate to Republican anti-abortion politians. Do not donate to the Democratic Party for empty promises.
Stay safe. Practice safe sex. Protect your drink. Don’t travel alone. Lock your car doors.
Protect your mind and your heart. You are not overreacting. Do not let men tell you that you are overreacting because you live in a state like California. Do not let men tell you shit about how you are supposed to feel. Be independent, find solace in other women, and put yourself first, every time.
Love,
Sarah Jane Mandt
Thank you so much for reading 🤍
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